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September 25, 2012

1. My radio deejay name was Duke Roberts.

2. When I was a kid I wanted to be a baseball player, an archaeologist and a marine biologist. If only I had taken steroids and actually studied in school I could have succeeded at at least one of them.

3. I have a framed SPIDER-MAN movie poster over my bed. And before you say, “Well, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend”, they actually have to get INTO my bedroom before the poster scares them away. So BURN!

4. I am very proud of my DVD collection of over 6oo DVDs, and try to show it off to people, but nobody ever wants to see it.

5. I love movies. When other people say they love movies, they mean they like to watch movies. When I say I love movies, I really mean I love movies. I study them, read books about them and watch documentaries about them.

6. I am not ashamed to say that I like seeing naked women. Why is there a stigma for men to like looking at naked women?

7. I bought my ex-girlfriend tickets to Riverdance for Christmas one year. The tickets cost me $130. I told her she could take anybody she wanted. She said she wanted me to go with her. I reiterated that she could take anybody she wanted. She asked me to take her. I went. It was the most expensive nap I’ve ever had.

8. My prized possessions are my autographed Hank Aaron baseball and my truck. Well, technically the truck is not totally my possession. Yet.

9. I have had a crush on the girl in unit #307 for almost 7 years and have only said about 2 words to her. I call her “Mini Cooper Girl” because she drives a red Mini Cooper.

10. When I was a little kid, my little sister, we will call her “Jennifer”, would grab me by the hair on the back of my head and slam my face on the floor. She is the reason I am going bald today.

11. The last girl I dated said I had a superiority complex. Anyone who knows me knows that the opposite is closer to the truth.

12. I once blew a chance with a cougar by calling her “ma’am”. Stupid Rob……

13. In junior high my little sister, again, we will call her “Jennifer”, stabbed me with a pencil and threw scissors at me that proceeded to stick in my knee. My mom’s response to this? “Well, what did you do to her?”

14. I once touched Bob Dole’s shoulder at a campaign rally. Okay, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it was to me at the time.

15. I was madly in love with a certain friend’s sister for about 15 years. I remember vividly the first time I saw her. It was at my first Cub Scouts meeting in October of 1983. We were in a picnic area at Lion’s Club Park. She came riding up the trail on her bike. She wore a rust and beige plaid shirt with jeans. Her long, blond hair was in pigtails. The sunlight shone from behind her and framed her head like a halo. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She is now married with one child and another on the way. I occasionally talk to her. We have had a pending lunch date for about 6 months.

16. Of all of the girls that I liked in junior high and high school, there was one who remained constantly at the center of my affections. She never gave me the time of day, and indeed only called me one time in 6 years, and that was to cuss me out about something. Ah, young love!

17. I hate cleaning.

18. I really hate cleaning. My roommate can attest to that.

19. I have read both “Marley and Me” and “Dewey” and did not cry while reading either.

20. I apparently have no heart.

21. I have been to 3 operas with my friend Amy. I would go to 300 more to make her happy.

22. I went horseback riding on my last birthday. Actually, I was supposed to go horseback riding. I didn’t realize that it was a donkey until it starting kicking a lot. I didn’t get a good look at it before I climbed on.

23. My favorite food in the world is a good hamburger.

24. I have refused sex from more than one drunk girl. I am not an animal.

25. My ex-girlfriend is now bisexual. And she is very happy.


From → Uncategorized

  1. Please keep in mind that this was originally written in 2009. Some information is outdated. Such as: Mini Cooper Girl now drives a Jeep and the crush has waned. My friend’s sister now has two children and we eventually did have lunch together. I had a nice time.

  2. izzie permalink

    sheesh you scared me a little there 😛

  3. I now feel like I understand you better…and yet knew a lot of those things.

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