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25 More Useless Facts About Me III

September 19, 2012

1. I am extremely shy around strangers, in public, and even at parties full of people I know.

2. I have never drank alcohol, nor had even the slightest desire to do so.

3. I tried smoking once. I was 7 years old. I took one puff, coughed a lot, and never tried it again. I think smoking is disgusting.

4. I have no idea what pot even smells like.

5. I am a Disney freak. I have most of the movies Walt made while he was alive, including all of the full-length animated features.

6. I collect stuffed Mickey Mouses (Mice?). Ha.

7. I have every Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy and Pluto cartoon ever made.

8. I have a mini Elvis shrine in my bedroom, including a nearly 6″ tall cardboard standee.

9. I once held the door for, and shook the hand of, Bill Murray. I called him “Bill”.

10. I once offended country singer Leeann Womack by telling her my name was spelled “R-O-B”.

11. When I was in 5th grade, I was in a church Christmas play where I played a bell named Grumpy Bell. I sang a solo with a raspy, grumpy voice.

12. I still feel guilty for stealing a pack of gum when I was 15 years old.

13. When I was about 7 years old I fell into a lake headfirst and almost drowned. I was saved by a stranger with a mustache.

14. When I was 4 or 5 years old, I saved a kid in my swimming class who fainted after he jumped in the pool.

15. Former Jaguars’ player T.J. Slaughter almost beat me up once because I flirted with his girlfriend.

16. She was hot.

17. He had a broken leg.

18. I have been in only one fight in my entire life. In 1st grade, a big, red-headed kid named Larry picked on me on the way home from school, everyday for 2 weeks. I finally stood up to him. He knocked me down on the ground and sat on my head.

19. I once offended the Big-Haired Lady of Longhorn Steakhouse commercial fame. She stopped in to the Friday morning show at WQIK and I called up to do my regular Elvis thing. I told her, “I LOVE Outback”. She did not appreciate it. Not even from Elvis.

20. I saw SPIDER-MAN in the theater 11 times, SPIDER-MAN 2 10 times, and SPIDER-MAN 3 only 7 times. It wasn’t as good.

21. I have changed tires for strangers at least 3 times.

22. I once gave a homeless guy a ride in my truck on Christmas Eve. I asked him to be careful with his coffee because it didn’t have a lid on it.

23. When I was 3 years old, I traveled with my next door neighbors from Garner, North Carolina to Disney World. My parents let me go 500 miles away with my next door neighbors. Growing up, I was my parents’ least favorite child. They do not deny it.

24. I have only cried at the movie theater twice in my life: E.T. and STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN. They both came out in 1982.

25. My earliest childhood memory is seeing the 1976 version of KING KONG in the theater. I got Raisinets and threw up. I hate Raisinets.


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One Comment
  1. Again, this was originally written sometime in 2009. Pertaining to #4: I finally smelled pot on a streetcar In New Orleans in December of 2010. My nephew and I were riding down St. Charles Street towards my hotel and all of a sudden I caught a whiff of what I knew just HAD to be shit. I said to my nephew, “What is that smell? It smells like shit.” He responded, “I’ll tell you in a minute.” Once the young Johnny Depp wanna be left the streetcar, my nephew told me that the horrible smell of fecal matter was actually marijuana. I said, “And people actually SMOKE that?”

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